today, i wanted to love myself

i’m on Week 10. of my creative recovery. 

i almost feel like a recovering alcoholic writing this (lol) (i don’t drink BTW if you started thinking that). it’s got to do with using the word ‘recovering’ definitely. i’ve been a recovering perfectionist before. recovering creative, though…  

the thing is i really am regaining my creative prowess. and it has nothing to do with how much i am writing in a day or whether i have started with my dreams of painting modern art (yes i really love paint). all it has to do with is a shifting of priorities and how my perception of and attitude towards myself is changing and growing.

so, yes. today, i wanted to love myself. like freaking-love-myself-in-action-and-do-something-nice-for-myself-because-WHY-THE-EFFIN’-NOT? 

i think we are the most neglected persons in our own lives. we’ll run around catering to and taking care of tons of people (‘cuz we are nice, we care, we are generous blabla) and investing energy in all kinds of tasks (both fulfilling and energizing). however, do we ever extend that same niceness, that same care, that same generosity towards ourselves? do we invest energy into taking care of our own needs?  

imagine someone you love wholeheartedly. with all the marrow in your bones. someone you don’t mind giving up your time, energy, money- anything at all- for. even if you aren’t around them, you would be thinking of them, wondering where they were, and sending them love with your thoughts. and if they were in front of you, you’d soak up their very presence and give thanks for it, while at the same time, give them the best of you. that is how you deeply love someone. 

swap that someone for you. 

are you unconditionally there for yourself? or do you end up slipping (very cleverly) away from any intimacy with yourself? 

do you take the time to think of yourself with love and kindness? or is it a constant stream of ‘i can’t do this’, ‘i can’t do that’, ‘i am such a terrible person’ etc. 

do you remember to give yourself the best of you? or do you reserve them only for others and keep the worst ones for yourself? 
if you’d asked me a few weeks back, i would have answered no to the above questions. or i would have said yes because i didn’t really get what this whole loving yourself thing meant. 

loving yourself sounds so fucking cliché, right? it is. if you go by the phrase alone. it isn’t, though. when you put it in action. 

love will always be actions in the long-term. thinking/ speaking about it keeps it alive only for so long. 

so, yes, today i wanted to love myself. i wanted to do something substantial and tangible to indicate to myself that yes, you matter to me and you are the gold of my life (‘cuz I am). 

and so i did. 

i went home and i rested with The Artist’s Way (my creative recovery Bible). rest is not something i naturally gift myself. i’ll whip myself in frenzy to be doing something all the time so that i don’t fall behind. God only knows on what. i then sat down to write this post (and promised to hit publish on it) because it had been 2 long weeks since i wrote anything and I was missing how homely it felt to be writing in here. 

and tonight, i’ll allow myself to sleep for a straight 6 hours atleast (exams don’t allow you to do that) because that’s what my mind and body need to feel refreshed and taken care of. 

little things. seemingly inconsequential things. but it is these very tiny things that snowball into having the greatest effect. because more often than not, we deprive ourselves of small comforts like these. and we all know how precious and heart-warming they can be (think a winter’s day with a quilt + a good book + hot, hot coffee.)

caring for yourself and loving yourself is something you do everyday. and i can promise you that if you do it everyday, you’ll experience a whole new strength and openness in yourself that you only could have yearned for before. 

you blossom under your own care. you light up when you give your love to yourself. 

i’d like to leave you with the following questions so you can ponder upon them and then follow up with some sweet action to put this love and care into practice. 

  1. when was the last time you consciously and intentionally did something loving for yourself? 
  2. what has your heart been calling out for that you have been ignoring? (it could be a time-out from the everyday, a new book you’ve been dying to read, a dance form you’ve been yearning to try, or a new dish you’ve been eyeing to taste)
  3. could you schedule in 5-15 minutes this week to do it? and do it without any interruptions or guilt? 

self-loving and self-caring dont have to be big, unacheivable goals. they can be small daily actions that we take everyday to honor our own selves. they can be incredibly simply and do-able. 

what small (yet significant) loving thing can you introduce into your days? 

also, if there’s someone who you think could do with a reminder of caring for themselves, use one of the buttons below to share this post with them. 

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